“The disease of me often results in the defeat of us.”
Pat Riley of NBA fame

All of us know difficult people. Whether we live with difficult people, work with difficult people, have them as bosses, or all of the above. And, at times we can be difficult people. Every time I conduct a workshop on dealing with difficult people, inevitably someone will come up to me afterward saying, “Colleen, after today I’ve realized I’m sometimes a difficult person!” At least these people are aware of it and are proactively working on themselves. But what about chronically difficult people? The difficult people you can’t change? Here are 4 quick tips for dealing with difficult people:

• First, learn and understand their behavior patterns. What makes these people tick and what ticks them off? Do they go around with a chip on their shoulder harboring insecurities? Do they have the “victim mentality?” Are they an exploder, gossip or bully? Or, are they difficult in many ways because they’ve simply been allowed to get away with it for so long? Are they like this with everyone or just with you?
• Don’t argue with an overly aggressive person because these people often thrive on chaos. They have a desire for dissention. If you work with someone like this or they’re your boss, it’s best to stay calm and objective. Only talk with them about business, and as I like to say, “News, weather, and sports.” Keep it on the surface. Don’t get too involved with them because inevitably they’ll drag you down. Do the same thing with negativists and gossips.
• Don’t take their behavior personally. It’s not necessarily about you. Especially if they have a pattern of behaving a certain way with almost everyone. If this difficult person is a co-worker, it’s really up to their manager to approach them about it. I know of a manager who finally had to say to his difficult employee, “You know, the other employees have a right to come to work…and enjoy it.”
• Keep a journal in your car. When you’re afraid you might say something you’d regret, go out to your car and write everything you’d like to say but never could. It’s very cathartic and physically helps to get all that stuff out of your system. When you are home, tear it up or burn it. Throw it away. Because the person who constantly angers you or frustrates you…controls you.

For more details and specific examples on dealing with difficult people, visit www.ColleenSpeaks.com/freearticles.htm and scroll down to the category titled Dealing with Difficult People. Watch Colleen Seward Ryan’s instant video clip on Dealing with Difficult People at www.ColleenSpeaks.com/kettenhofen.video.htm